Screw shaving for your significant other, celebrate Valentines by growing your pubic mound until it resembles a stranded hedgehog creeping out of your undergarments.

It’s the annual pissing contest of love, otherwise known as Valentine’s Day, and this year it looks like a bunch of carnations and the promise of a blow job just ain’t going to cut it. No, apparently this year the only way to show your loved one that you love them is to purge yourself of pubic hair. Picture the conjugal nooks of Barbie Dolls and Action Men, if you’re wondering exactly what’s expected of you.

Yup, in 2013 it’s all about the gleaming knackers and silky flaps. Women’s mags are full of the fucking stuff. Just look at the press releases I’ve sicked up over in the last week. It’s pimping something called the LadyShape, a “tool for intimate topiary” and said release is…

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